To Whom Do Our Children Belong? (3)

Today we are pleased to share the third instalment of an important work from Geoff Thomas, “To Whom Do Our Children Belong?” The first two are available here and here.

Geoff was the pastor at Alfred Place Baptist Church in Aberystwyth, Wales, for fifty years. He is retired, and the author of many books and articles, having been a frequent speaker at conferences throughout the world. He still preaches at the Chapel he attends in London, as well as travelling extensively to speak in different churches.

In the previous instalment, it was established that Our children do not belong to the State.

To Whom Do Our Children Belong?

Our children do not belong to the Church.

When the apostle Paul is describing the family life of the redeemed people of God, those indwelt and empowered by the Holy Spirit and taught by the word of God then he comes to the duties of the father to his children, and he says, And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)  Fathers are to take their children to sit under the best preaching they can possibly hear. This is as essential for the parents as for the children. But the bringing up of the children is firmly in the father’s hands. The apostle does not address these words to the pastor, to elders, or to particularly gifted other fathers in the congregation – though their example and teaching can be enormously helpful. Under the influence of God the Holy Spirit he hones in on the fathers who are there in the family home day-by-day. It cannot be the duty of anyone else in the congregation. Children do not belong to the church but Christians pray for all the children, rejoice at their birth and seek to live credible godly lives before them, full of love, joy and peace.

Whenever attempts have been made to blur the unique relationship that children from Christian homes have with their own parents merging that with other church leaders or even members then there can be the most horrible consequences and abuse.

Consider the cult called ‘the Children of God’ which began in the United States in the late 1960s. It is now called ‘The Family International’. Its founder, David Berg, told members that God was love and love was sex, so there should be no limits, regardless of age or relationships.  Berg’s cult spread and claimed 10,000 full time members in 130 communities around the world during the 1970s. The children were told that terrible things would happen to them and their siblings if they were ever responsible for bad publicity being given to the group. Numbers of the men were convicted of child abuse and spent years in prison. The fathers in that cult failed in their responsibilities to their children, spiritually, ethically and physically.

It would be easy for a father to justify passing the buck of nurturing and admonishing to mother when it comes to raising children. Children do gravitate to their mothers. Their fathers are away from the house for ten hours most days and pre-school children are with their mothers for all that time. Over the weekend and in the evenings before bedtime fathers are home to exercise their happy roles. They are not to leave their wives in full responsibility for their children’s well-being and behaviour.

What do fathers have? They have two things, firstly the Lord’s training from the Scriptures. All the examples of God-fearing parents and children, the boy Samuel saying to the Lord in the temple, Speak; for Thy servant heareth, the psalmist saying, Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against Thee, Paul reminding Timothy that from a child he had known the Scriptures as his mother and grandmother also knew them, and that the Bible could make him wise unto salvation. Fathers teach their children by their own lifestyle and behaviour, by their own values and remarks, and by their own reading aloud of Scripture – these are some of the things fathers have by which God trains children. Most of all the Lord nurtures children by making known to them the loveliness of who the Lord Jesus is and what he has done and is doing for his children.

Secondly, there is the Lord’s admonition, that is his loving fatherly warnings and reproofs. There is the law of God, the ten commandments as it is opened up in Matthew 5 in the Sermon on the Mount, and by Paul in Romans 12 and Ephesians 5. “Don’t live like that!” God says to us all, and he explains the consequences to us. As we go through the Shorter Catechism we read there helpful explanations of those sensible legal admonitions from the Lord. Let us be utterly consistent in this, not preaching the old virtues but practising the old vices. Let the children who see their father as a messenger of God in the pulpit see him as the same loving messenger in the kitchen and at meal times, sweet and lots of fun, but himself adorning the admonitions of the Lord by walking in the Spirit of God who was there with the Father and Son on Sinai when the Law was first given.

But there is the final commandment to fathers, And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath (Ephesians 6:4). He repeats this exhortation to fathers in his letter to the Colossians adding, lest they be discouraged. (Colossians 3:21)  I remember forty years ago a God-fearing father in South Wales who discovered a pair of jeans that his daughter had bought and put in a drawer in her bedroom. He was very angry and he destroyed them. By this angry reaction she was further discouraged from following the Lord Jesus and was alienated from him and from his beliefs. As soon as she could she ceased attending church.  It was not a happy home.

There might well be other examples of Christians provoking our children to wrath. Let us plead with our children to be wise beyond their years, and be forgiving while they live under the roof of their parents.  Soon they will have their freedom to make some choices that their fathers would not approve of. Honour your father and mother!  They do love you and long for you to know God’s blessing and protection in time and eternity. God has made this couple your parents, and he has told Dad to bring you up in the Lord’s nurture and admonition. He is not a perfect man, but he loves you and he loves God. I remember when I heard of a Scottish minister’s daughter being abducted in India and never seen again that I was over-protective towards my three daughters. The oldest at 18 had finished high school and four of her friends were going to Spain for two weeks holiday. But I was too fearful of letting her go with them. She was wonderfully forgiving to me, and I have often regretted my obduracy even now, 35 years later. But she did not take offence and did not need ever to be exhorted to keep going to church. She knew it was my decision not the congregation’s and that they did love her and prayed for her and her sisters.

Next time: Our children do not belong to their parents.