Civility – Our Example to Others
This post was prompted by a couple of helpful and thought-provoking articles that recently appeared on the website of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission (ERLC) of the Southern Baptist Communion.
Civility – perhaps this is a word that is not used much today, yet being civil is important both as part of our Christian witness and for the general wellbeing of society. Rudeness and attacking people verbally has become a feature of the modern world. How often do we read or hear in the news of someone demeaning someone they disagree with personally rather than engaging with the actual point of disagreement?
What is civility? In its simplest form it is about courtesy and politeness – the way we behave toward others, even those we disagree with. Often when tensions and disagreements arise, the way we treat each other can either help settle the difference or cause a rift that cannot be repaired. In these situations, it does not help to prejudge others and take things personally.
The author of an article titled “Why Christians should be kind in our turbulent time” noted: “But for the people of God, passion is no excuse for intemperance. Instead, following the example of Jesus, we should be the first to listen, eager to gain understanding. We should seek to persuade instead of coerce. And we should have the humility to recognize that our own beliefs are not infallible”.
For Christians, to be civil does not mean a refusal to contend for a position; it means we should engage in a God honouring manner and according to the teaching of the Bible. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Galatians “…and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me”. (Galatians 2:20)
What of our witness to others (including children) of the life that we live – is it a witness of the work of grace in our soul and of kindness and love to others? The apostle Paul also records in writing to the Ephesians “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour [loud speaking], and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice [the desire to harm someone]: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.“(Ephesians 4:29-32)
If we have that true desire to walk according to the teachings of the Bible, then it will be through prayer, to be upheld, strengthened and guided by the Lord Jesus in the cry “Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not”. (Psalm 17:5)
In different article titled “Are we teaching our children civility with our lives”, the author describes how she had made a remark whilst participating in an online meeting and then realised that the comment made and language used was overheard by her children who were in the room. She was forced to consider the impact of her actions on them and the example she was setting.
The author then goes on to write “The issue, of course, isn’t just our words. When we make flippant statements about other people, we reveal what we truly think of them. Right now, there’s so much disagreement in our families, churches, and communities about COVID-19, masks, racial injustice, politics, education—you name it. And disagreement is normal. But there has to be a more civil way to disagree with one another and to teach our kids to disagree. After all, our children are growing up in a society that will frequently disagree with their beliefs. How can we equip them to be winsome and humble while also being firm and steadfast?”
“Civility isn’t setting aside truth for the sake of unity; it’s showing respect for others made in God’s image.
So, how do we know if we’re being civil in our disagreements?
- We may disagree with others’ political views, but do we dehumanize them behind their backs? (Or to their screens?)
- We may disagree with the views of others on social issues, but do we misrepresent them or resort to half truths in our disagreement, or do we attempt to understand why they believe what they believe?
- We may disagree with our church’s response to COVID-19, but do we seek the unity of the body in how we handle it, or do we start looking for a new church?”
So often, it is not what we say, it is how we say it which leaves a lasting impression on the person we are dealing with. The apostle James reminds us of the dangers of our tongue and the (lasting) damage it can cause (James 3:3-10).
Remember, once uttered, words can never be unsaid. Before any of us, young or old, speak or type, we should pause and ask ourselves:
- Is it true?
- Is it kind?
- Is it necessary?
- Is it helpful?
How especially true this is if we are communicating within earshot of our children. We may expect children to be civil – courteous and polite – but what of our witness and example to them?
This post is perhaps different to those usually posted by CViE. However, there is an increasing lack of civility in the age in which we live and, as with so many things, this is in direct contradiction of the teachings of the Bible which clearly sets out that civility is a Christian value.
